Blended families are a blessing! But man does it take a lot of prayers,hard work and tears to get to the point of realizing what a blessing it is! I’m the mom of 3 sons, 1 daughter and 2 bonus daughters. For many people that read that sentence their first thought will be “why did she say bonus daughters…why didn’t she include them with her daughter and say 3 sons and 3 daughters”…this is just an example of how complicated every little detail can be when it comes to blended families. My bonus daughters have a mother…a wonderful mother that I respect. I love the girls with all my heart and will do anything for them. But I do call them my bonus daughters because I feel the term daughter is reserved for their mom. I have the great privilege of having them as my bonus daughters and what a blessing that is!
Getting to the point my family is at now has by far been the hardest thing I have ever done. But it is so well worth every minute of it! With this blog I pray that I can help at least one family get to the point my family is at today. We are not perfect and of course we have room to improve daily. But we are in such a better place than I ever thought we could be. With God, lots of compromising and lots of hard work…we have accomplished what I once thought was impossible. I know the example I’m about to give just can’t work in every single family. There are some families that unfortunately can’t make this work due to circumstances that just won’t permit it to work. But if for your family there’s any way it can possibly work…if you can pray, try to compromise,quit being selfish,let go of hard feelings and quit being so stubborn(this took us about 4 years 😳)…and just try to make this happen for your blended family…you won’t regret it.
When your girls spend months preparing for their County Livestock Show you do everything you can to support them…that means Mom,Bonus Dad, Dad and Bonus Mom all 4 working together and supporting as a team!
Some people say this is just weird…how can you all be friends…why would you even want to be,how do you even tolerate each other. And my answer is because it’s not about us,it’s about our kids. Weird is when a child has to pick which parent to go out to celebrate and eat dinner with after kickin butt at their county show. Weird is a child having to decide which side of the bleachers to sit at during the ballgame,the side where Mom is or the opposite side where Dad is. Weird is when a child has something really exciting happen but can’t tell the other parent until it’s that parents weekend because they can’t talk to them until then. Weird and sad and heartbreaking for the kids.
It’s not always easy…especially in the beginning. You have to learn to put the kids first and ignore your own selfish feelings. At times it’s frustrating and crazy and exhausting. Just when you think you’ve all moved a step forward you move 10 million steps back. Kids will try to play parents against each other…parents will have different opinions and someone has to budge to make it work. Feelings get hurt,parents get sad,mad,and sometimes throw down in the front yard 🙈. But it’s worth every single sleepless night,every angry screaming argument,every tear shed…if you can put the kids first and the adults second. It takes a village to raise these kids. What better village than the people that love them most…cheering them on…side by side..and showing them that even though they are children with divorced parents…they still have both parents plus bonus ones to support them every step of the way.
So we have birthdays together and graduation parties and dinners sometimes. We go to livestock shows together,we shovel pig 💩 together,we go to ball games together and we hollar at kids together…because at livestock shows they always have to act a fool…why is this? 🤦♀️ And it’s still not always easy…sometimes there’s setbacks. But our kids know we love them and they know we try to make split houses, 2 families…as easy on them as we can. Kids do not chose divorce,parents do. Do not make your kids pay for your choices.